Girl Child

            Fewer Girls in future?

In many states, the girl child has become an endangered species and many supportive catchphrases are coined to stop people destroying the girl child before she has a chance to be born.  To understand the reasons for the girl child being less preferred, there are a plethora of causes to be examined.  We would be trivializing the matter if the whole thing is explained away as a dowry problem and suggesting economic liberation as an antidote.  Economic independence is undoubtedly a good solution for a woman to lead a life of dignity but that alone would not suffice for people to volunteer to be parents of daughters.

Let us examine what it means to be a parent of a girl child now without even considering the dowry problem. Parents who have only daughters are looked at with sympathy by the society. And what could the reasons be? The moment a son is born, parents start seeing him as a provider and protector and in other words, as an investment and a daughter as a liability to be discharged.

When we give the matter some thought, we become more alert and attentive as to how other children in the neighborhood are brought up.  Even in a purely middle class scenario where the outlook is expected to be liberal, it is obvious that boys are brought up to think of themselves as a different species.  If pranks of the boys are outrageous, it is to be expected, but girl child is expected to be gentle and meek.  As the children grow up, many parents and grandparents of boys who go about hitting and kicking others, see the child as someone who is smart enough to see himself through the world!

With every passing day, with stories of child abuse getting more numerous, the parents of the girl find themselves thinking of their daughter’s safety on the way to school and back. Matters have come to the state that their safety at the schools themselves have become doubtful in some cases.  When the children are sent to other classes for extra curricular activities the burden falls on the parents again.  They have to double check the credentials of the coaches and be ever watchful and vigilant.  Later as teenagers, girls compete with the boys academically but take more risks again when they commute to their coaching classes.   They have to face many scary situations which are summed up in a very mild term as “Eve Teasing”.  The Parents of teenage boys can relax and condone the activities of their children as “boys are boys” and that it must be the fault of the girl who by her conduct or dress provokes such behaviour.

The responsibility of the girls’ parents does not stop with getting them educated. The Ideal Woman forty years ago was one who was reasonably educated, and who could cook well. These days situation demands that the girls are professionally qualified and well employed. The parents must also see that the girls get adequate exposure to cooking, administration of the house, and acquaint them with the customs of the family.    Now their cooking skills have to encompass not only South Indian Cooking but several other styles as well. The girls have to be fair skinned and beautiful. She has to be career minded but ‘home loving’.  She has to be ‘professionally qualified’ but ‘domestically well trained’.  When the daughters acquire these qualities, they develop a sense of self worth and expect someone in the mould of a friend or a partner when it comes to marriage.  But how many boys are being sensitized to these expectations?

  The parents then will have to worry about the safety of their daughters in the workplace and on the roads.  In addition to that they will have to skimp and save for the jewellery and marriage expenses all their lives. Having lavished so much care in bringing up the child, they have to prepare themselves to discharge the dreaded marriage responsibility.  The task of ensuring that the groom is upright and honest has become very tough in a world that has become increasingly impersonal and aloof.

Four or Five decades ago the girl’s parents could celebrate a marriage at their residence with much less money.   Today the desire from the groom’s side for what they call a decent wedding results in lakhs of Rupees being spent by the bride’s family. Compared to what is spent these days on the venue, food and miscellaneous items, the burden of the father of the bride forty years ago with all the dowry seem quite less.  Forty years ago an education up to school final was adequate and a graduation was considered very good.  Now with all the education that the father has to provide, and with the marriage expenses spiralling,   parents of a girl need very deep pockets indeed.

And then there are the customs to be followed post marriage.  Every occasion is to be celebrated with sweets and presents from the bride’s family.  Innumerable sarees dhotis and sweetmeats have to be purchased.  I have deliberately not mentioned gold.   In an era when the joint family of the boy took care of all the expenses of the child, it made sense for the girl’s family to provide some gifts when a child is born.  But these days the parents of the boys have no responsibilities but the parents of the girls have to gear themselves up for making adequate presents for their grandchildren.  When the daughter is a working woman, the responsibility of taking care of the grandchildren also fall on them as in many cases the young mother is not willing to entrust her child to her in laws.

The parents of a boy can claim the right of moving in with the son  but  the parents of a daughter cannot do that.  They will have to provide themselves for their old age and any small care given is gratefully accepted and not taken for granted.

All this, when everything goes well. No wonder there are fewer people willing to have daughters.

Musings on Queues

On Queues

Queues an inevitable aspect of modern society, is Man’s ingenious innovation that serves various purposes.  It brings out the quirks, foibles and benevolence in humans even while it helps dispense a fair deal when many people want a particular service.

            We Indians have an easy familiarity with queues. We have queues for everything. Like Abimanyu who was imparted with the secret of the chakravyuham while yet to be born, an Indian child no doubt comes to understand queues while its mother waits at the obstetrician’s clinic several times for her checkup.  It is the precursor of all the queues that we may have to wait in after we are born – for provisions, vegetables at the stores, railway tickets, bus tickets, banking services, payment of electricity bills, telephone bills, municipal taxes, rations, insurance, school admissions, college admissions, and all the doctors’ clinics - general physicians, eye specialists, dentists, other specialists, and last but not the least is the queue to have a darshan of our Gods at our Temples. In fact to us, queue is the parameter to judge many things. If there is no queue, the doctor must be no good, the movie must be no good and the deity is benevolent and powerful only when the temple is crowded!

            As soon as we take our place in one, it is imperative that we take a good look at those who are with us.  It is imperative because we have to be wary of people with a malicious glint in their eyes as they could be potential queue jumpers.  Even if their eyes glint maliciously for some other reason, we do not lose anything by getting ready to defend our place.  Better to be safe than sorry. When your Body Language says that you are ready for the defense, half the battle is won.  Queue jumpers come in various forms.  Some wear a superior expression as if they are entitled to go ahead of the rest and some others appeal to the charitable instincts of others by wearing a woebegone expression. But, when they come all charged to muscle it out, it is prudent to step back. After all it is ingrained in our psyche to let bullies thrive.  But it need not always be a war zone. We may come across acts of kindness when someone volunteers to guard the place of an elderly person while he/she rests on a nearby seat or when a young mother rushes off to rein in a frisky child.  Within a space of a few minutes people soon bond in but always wait for someone in the group to take the initiative to speak out when a new queue jumper tries to barge in. When that happens, the person who takes the initiative is rarely left alone.  He / She will find solid support all around.

            The bonding happens more quickly when the person at the counter is found remiss or inefficient. Someone murmurs regret at the state of affairs and someone else seconds it and in no time everyone gangs up and throw dirty looks at the person manning the counter.    When the wait is quite long, there is no dearth of entertainment.  Indians have no qualms about speaking aloud on any topic among members of their group or with even strangers. Snatches of conversations or monologues can keep us occupied.  When there are several counters side by side, exchange of remarks between people in different queues also happen. 

When you decide to throw your lot with one of the queues where there are more than one counters, it is like backing the right or the wrong horse.  We wait with bated breath, to watch the movement of the other lines.  When the clerk at our counter suddenly gets off his seat or starts sipping a cup of tea our spirits plummet and when the clerk at the next counter does the same, a sense of triumph seizes us.  It is partly aided by the envious despondent looks of the people standing in the less fortunate queue. 

            And then there are queues which are deceptive.  In a few Doctors’ clinics we would be led to believe that our turn would come after a couple of people who had arrived earlier, pass.  It would sometimes prove to be futile as more important people who had fixed up their appointments over the phone or the medical representatives get to meet the doctor before you do.  The situation shall confound us even further if patients of several doctors are asked to wait in the same area.

In this era of hi – tech, we have to contend with one more queue.  We are often forced to call to Customer Service be it for banking, insurance or the service provider of our mobile or satellite television, or even hospitals.  We had better be prepared to listen to music between the recorded message that says “You are in queue, please wait, your call is important to us.. You are in queue..”

A real test for your patience!!

Or like the queue at Tirumala.  There the queues start at a single file and then suddenly we find two or three more people standing along with us. At various points through the numerous passages we find a fresh group of people joining us and we are no longer certain if there is a queue!  And quite near the sanctum after a near free for all,   It is often a matter of pride for many to hold forth on how long they waited  and there is yet another breed which eulogizes on how they have the power to  circumvent the whole thing !!