Girl Child

            Fewer Girls in future?

In many states, the girl child has become an endangered species and many supportive catchphrases are coined to stop people destroying the girl child before she has a chance to be born.  To understand the reasons for the girl child being less preferred, there are a plethora of causes to be examined.  We would be trivializing the matter if the whole thing is explained away as a dowry problem and suggesting economic liberation as an antidote.  Economic independence is undoubtedly a good solution for a woman to lead a life of dignity but that alone would not suffice for people to volunteer to be parents of daughters.

Let us examine what it means to be a parent of a girl child now without even considering the dowry problem. Parents who have only daughters are looked at with sympathy by the society. And what could the reasons be? The moment a son is born, parents start seeing him as a provider and protector and in other words, as an investment and a daughter as a liability to be discharged.

When we give the matter some thought, we become more alert and attentive as to how other children in the neighborhood are brought up.  Even in a purely middle class scenario where the outlook is expected to be liberal, it is obvious that boys are brought up to think of themselves as a different species.  If pranks of the boys are outrageous, it is to be expected, but girl child is expected to be gentle and meek.  As the children grow up, many parents and grandparents of boys who go about hitting and kicking others, see the child as someone who is smart enough to see himself through the world!

With every passing day, with stories of child abuse getting more numerous, the parents of the girl find themselves thinking of their daughter’s safety on the way to school and back. Matters have come to the state that their safety at the schools themselves have become doubtful in some cases.  When the children are sent to other classes for extra curricular activities the burden falls on the parents again.  They have to double check the credentials of the coaches and be ever watchful and vigilant.  Later as teenagers, girls compete with the boys academically but take more risks again when they commute to their coaching classes.   They have to face many scary situations which are summed up in a very mild term as “Eve Teasing”.  The Parents of teenage boys can relax and condone the activities of their children as “boys are boys” and that it must be the fault of the girl who by her conduct or dress provokes such behaviour.

The responsibility of the girls’ parents does not stop with getting them educated. The Ideal Woman forty years ago was one who was reasonably educated, and who could cook well. These days situation demands that the girls are professionally qualified and well employed. The parents must also see that the girls get adequate exposure to cooking, administration of the house, and acquaint them with the customs of the family.    Now their cooking skills have to encompass not only South Indian Cooking but several other styles as well. The girls have to be fair skinned and beautiful. She has to be career minded but ‘home loving’.  She has to be ‘professionally qualified’ but ‘domestically well trained’.  When the daughters acquire these qualities, they develop a sense of self worth and expect someone in the mould of a friend or a partner when it comes to marriage.  But how many boys are being sensitized to these expectations?

  The parents then will have to worry about the safety of their daughters in the workplace and on the roads.  In addition to that they will have to skimp and save for the jewellery and marriage expenses all their lives. Having lavished so much care in bringing up the child, they have to prepare themselves to discharge the dreaded marriage responsibility.  The task of ensuring that the groom is upright and honest has become very tough in a world that has become increasingly impersonal and aloof.

Four or Five decades ago the girl’s parents could celebrate a marriage at their residence with much less money.   Today the desire from the groom’s side for what they call a decent wedding results in lakhs of Rupees being spent by the bride’s family. Compared to what is spent these days on the venue, food and miscellaneous items, the burden of the father of the bride forty years ago with all the dowry seem quite less.  Forty years ago an education up to school final was adequate and a graduation was considered very good.  Now with all the education that the father has to provide, and with the marriage expenses spiralling,   parents of a girl need very deep pockets indeed.

And then there are the customs to be followed post marriage.  Every occasion is to be celebrated with sweets and presents from the bride’s family.  Innumerable sarees dhotis and sweetmeats have to be purchased.  I have deliberately not mentioned gold.   In an era when the joint family of the boy took care of all the expenses of the child, it made sense for the girl’s family to provide some gifts when a child is born.  But these days the parents of the boys have no responsibilities but the parents of the girls have to gear themselves up for making adequate presents for their grandchildren.  When the daughter is a working woman, the responsibility of taking care of the grandchildren also fall on them as in many cases the young mother is not willing to entrust her child to her in laws.

The parents of a boy can claim the right of moving in with the son  but  the parents of a daughter cannot do that.  They will have to provide themselves for their old age and any small care given is gratefully accepted and not taken for granted.

All this, when everything goes well. No wonder there are fewer people willing to have daughters.